Becoming a More Positive Person

I've always been the sort that feels a healthy dose of skepticism is a very good thing in most situations. In recent years, however, I've found myself slipping over to The Dark Side with more regularity, and have developed the propensity to assume the worst in people and situations rather than the best. While I don't want to be the world's next Pollyanna, I do have to find a way to moderate my negativity.

Some would look at my life and things that have occurred as justification for my current nature, including me, but I know on some level that I have to change this. I don't want to be a bitter person, I don't want to be miserable. But I find myself like this more and more, and I know it has to change.

Frankly I'd rather just forget it and wallow, but I know I can't do that. So, kicking and screaming, I forge on towards positivity.

Somehow I think this is going to take awhile. (No Laura, bad!)

What I mean to say is, I can do this. I will do this. And my life and my family will all be happier and healthier for it.

*sigh*

Grocery Store Stalkers

You know what I mean, don't you? You are doing your big weekly load of shopping so you have to go down virtually every aisle, and for some inexplicable reason, there is another shopper (usually a big family with oodles of kids in tow) who is in every aisle you are at the same time, no matter what you try to do to avoid them.

I just got back from a shopping trip. Starting at the deli counter, there was this family of five - Mom, Dad, and 3 very small (and energetic) kids. While it only takes one person to walk up to a deli counter to place an order for meats and cheeses, this family decided to camp out in front of the counter with their basket and all five members, taking up at least half of the space. Nevermind there were many other shoppers awaiting their turn to even get a look at the display to decide what they wanted and to place their orders - no, Annoying Family (hereafter referred to as "AF") were oblivious to all but themselves. I finally was able to place my order and, as I was leaving, I narrowly avoided running into 2 of the kids with my shopping cart, not that I didn't momentarily fantasize about accidentally not seeing them.

It progressed from there.

No matter what aisle I was in, AF was there. And in every instance, I had to wait for them to clear a space in the aisle so I could pass them. This seemed to be their big family outing, a big event; not to mention that these parents fed their kids a nice lunch, taking them to each and every sample location in the store. The mother would look at me, laugh, apologize for being in my way YET AGAIN, but she never did anything to get her kids under control. She thought we were exchanging knowing glances with one another, two women who know what it is all about, when all I was doing was smiling through gritted teeth while marvelling at how oblivious some people can be. I also noted that this woman's husband, the presumed father of the 3 urchins underfoot, behaved almost as badly as the kids did.

They were everywhere. Even the feminine protection aisle. I mean, COME ON!

In a last, insulting encounter, they cut me off as I was leaving the parking lot. One last, apologetic smile (and wave!) from the woman, and AF was gone. I thought of how difficult it must be for her to get those kids settled down and into bed each night, and smiled. Serves her right for bearing the spawn of Satan.

Morning Serenity

One of my favorite times of the week comes on Saturday mornings. I'm up early all week for my job, so my "sleeping in" on Saturdays means maybe until 7:00 a.m. My husband and kids have an uncanny ability to sleep until midday, so this early morning Saturday time is MINE.

I talk to my cat and dog. I sit outside and enjoy the weather before the brutal Florida sun makes it unbearable (which happens by about 10 a.m.). I take the time to read the paper, surf the 'net, ingest some caffeine, and think about what I want to get done. So peaceful, compared to the usual early morning rush we experience all week.

Mostly I just listen to the sounds of silence. Ah, bliss.

Teenagers

If there isn't a self-help group for parents of teenagers, there should be.

I have two of them; teenagers, that is. Feel sorry for me. Oh, make no mistake, ultimately they are great kids - and I'm fortunate to have one of each gender. And even though I was one once, I swear as God as my witness I was never as difficult as a teenager as what I see from kids (mine and their friends) today.

My son is 18 and he's a World of Warcraft veteran. He apparently has mad skills as a warrior in a virtual realm, but he's unable to defeat the dirty clothes strewn about his room or conquer taking out the garbage. His lightning-quick reflexes that allow him to battle and crush enemies generated by his computer magically disappear when it is time for him to get up to go to school; not only does he not hear his alarm (which wakes me from across the house), he needs to be poked, prodded, and shaken about ten times before he realizes someone is trying to awaken him. Did I mention that those reflexes are lost as well when he drops his cellphone? He can't seem to hang onto that device while talking, much less catch it when it slips out of his hands and breaks. How can he be so quick on the computer and so slow in real life?

Speaking of my son and his cellphone, times have certainly changed. Back in my day (a phrase I use to swear I'd never use but find myself using all the time), it was the girls who talked on the phone incessantly. Now? It's the boys. My son, his friends, I have no idea what they need to talk about so frequently but he uses more minutes each month than the rest of us combined - and that includes his sister. I read once that the male of the species is getting more feminine over time, since we really don't need for them to go out and kill a tiger with a stick and a rock to provide for a family. Maybe I'm watching evolution as it happens.

On to my daughter. I recognize this creature I see before me, but I'm convinced an alien (or satan) has possessed my daughter's body. Nothing is easy. Even the simplest of events can turn into a drama worthy of the big screen. She can be sweet and even hug me, expressing love; but more often than not, I am the enemy, a lame and stupid entity who knows nothing. She wants to be left alone - that is, until she needs 1) money 2) a ride somewhere 3) money 4) a favor 5) money 6) a new shirt - well you get the idea. She is the star around which the rest of the universe must orbit. Apparently.

I know that someday she'll apologize for being difficult. That deep down she really does (and did) love me. That she couldn't have made it through her tough teenage years without me. And I'll hug her and tell her that she wasn't so bad, because, well, that's what Moms do. We protect our young and care for them and lie to them, all in the name of molding a productive member of society.

I love my kids and couldn't live without them. Well, maybe for a few weeks. Summer camp, anyone?

Unfriended

I've enjoyed being on Facebook, I really have. Reconnecting with people I haven't talked to in over 30 years is particularly fun, though one quickly realizes that sometimes people from your past are best left there. While there are some irritating things about it (I'll withhold comment for now on the whole privacy issue), there is one in particular that I hate: realizing that at some point, someone "unfriended" you.

I'm not one of those who likes to "friend" nearly every person I've ever come in contact with (and even some that I haven't), meaning I'd like to think that whatever connections I make are reciprocated. I've realized on occasion that I hadn't seen updates or pictures or whatever from someone, only to go to my friends list to send them a message and realize that they are gone, having severed our connection. It's not quite offensive, really, but does make me feel a bit bad. Are my updates/pictures/inane ramblings that annoying? Did I not really mean as much to you as I thought? Did I do something to offend you? These are the thoughts that might run through my head. It really just seems...well, rude I guess. It's like telling someone you'll call them and then not.

I have noted some people are very self-serving, and really a bit conceited on Facebook; usually I find this behavior in women. Some of them fish for compliments, and usually get them, particularly from guys who probably had a mad crush on them in high school and probably still do, at least in that wistful "I wonder what life would have been like had she only said yes to that date when we were juniors" sort of way, likely exacerbated by the latest nag from the old wife who is tired of his crap. These "look at me and how awesome I am" women are quite annoying, and I have, myself, unfriended them so I don't have to see the juvenile and pathetic antics.

Oh shit. No, that's not why anyone unfriends me, I just know it.

Too Many Thoughts

I'm one of those people whose mind never stops; at any given moment, there are multitudes of disparate thoughts encroaching upon my sanity. Kids. Husband. Career. Pets. To-do lists. Residual guilty feelings going back to childhood. Among many other things.

Perhaps by keeping a blog I'll keep my sanity. I've tried this before and haven't stuck with it. But as I age and my kids get older, I am finding that I'm finally ready to be a bit more selfish; to, dare I say it, make some me-time.

If this doesn't work, then at least it will be a record of my descent into madness. I'd rather that story be told from the horse's mouth.